rEfLeCtIoNs [2o12]

Life is what you make it. Truer words have never been spoken. If I can, I would like to just be frank. I'm not going to say what I think people want to read, or think about me. In a world of oppression and stifling social graces, I choose to throw those expectations to the wind and use the God given freedom I have to speak my mind.

2012. Alot of it sucked. I spent alot of time doing a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do. I went through more stuff than I had time to write down, and I lost pieces of who I once was. Would I want to go back an repeat any of it? Definitely. If I could go back would I change things? Absolutely.

I started 2012 off, in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I rang in the new year at the night market. The next day, I spent exploring ancient temples in the woods of Cambodia. It was a lifechanging and enriching experience. I'd say at this point in my stay in Cambodia, I was still enjoying the novetly of living out of the country, but soon after, it began to fade, and quickly. I had a very hard time the last couple months I was there because I missed home and my family so much. This was a time of growth as much as it was a time of sadness.

Over the summer, I threw myself into my work, so to speak, something which I now, regret. I had just spent 10 months away from my family, and here I was, spending all my time in a stinky Mexican restaurant with some pretty awful people. I used the precious few months I had to advance my bank account, rather than my relationships. These months of the year, I used to be selfish, only later realizing how much of a mistake I was making.

It was now mid-August and it was time to start tour. I spent two weeks straight, in a dirty, dingy warehouse, building relationships that I believe will carry on throughout the rest of my life. I don't think I've ever been so worn out...or happy. In this total abondonment of self, I began to feel again, to hope, and trust that not all people are the same. This was only the beginning of the journey that we'd soon embark on, and I couldn't wait.

For the rest of the fall months, I traveled with the team to many places I never thought I'd ever be. Arkansas, Nebraska, Three Rivers, Texas, to name a few. In every city, I met the most incredible, inspiring people. People that had more of a passion for my job than I did. Their passion helped to carry me through, but instead of my flame for this message burning brighter, it began to dim until it was a tiny, weak flame. By the time November had hit and it was time for us to part ways until after the new year, I was perverbially burned out. I was going through the motions of this amazing opportunity. Instead of looking back and appreciating and and being thankful for all that had taken place, I looked forward with dread, knowing that it'd only get harder.
For the month and a half or two months that I was home, I didn't think much about the fall tour. I focused on family and friends, and rightfully so. I had my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years in two years, and they were peaceful and restful. I turned 19. I began to pursue a relationship, but instead of making the same mistakes in the past, I moved on when I realized that it wasn't what I ultimately wanted.

Do I have regret when I look back on 2012... no. To regret would be to discount the lessons I learned. I can only hope to remember the lessons I've learned and better myself and in turn my future.

I now have a better perspective on life altogether. As for experiences, enjoy them.. every second, because when theyre gone, theyre gone and all you have is the memory. As for family, well they're the only one you have and they'll be there for you when no one else will be.
As for moments in time, well thats exactly it, they're just moments, and they slip away at a constant pace. Relish the time, the places, the life you live. Cherish each day. Enjoy everything as much as you can. Laugh too much. Cry too much. Do what you love, because life's too short not to.