Lately, I've been feeling very burdened, almost like my heart is sick. I can't shake this inner feeling that something is not right. When I take a step back, I see major imbalance in my life. I see that my choice in television shows hasn't been the greatest(i.e.Teen Mom/Laguna Beach reruns/ Jerseylicious[?] etc), my words have more often than not been used to tear others down instead of build them up, and my radio has been set to Star 100 with Ryan Seacrest. You may be saying to yourself,"Well, thats not that bad." or "Thats what I do." but really, it is. I was keeping up better with the Kardashians than I was with my devotions. I was wasting time on mindless entertainment that I could have been using to build up my spirit.
As a pronounced and proud child of God, my life should be an open book that people can look at, judge, and maybe even learn from. I am not THE standard, but I should be living as if I were. So am I? Am I who I claim to be? Is my life one that can be emulated? These are the questions I've had to ask myself and I'll admit, I haven't liked the answer.
With my recent, exciting news of touring with the Silver Ring Thing, purity has been on my mind. When I think of the word "purity," I automatically think of sexual purity...but its so much more than that. Purity deals with motives, choices, attitudes... Purity should be all encompassing in heart, mind, and spirit.
If I'm listening to a song about being in bed with someone, how is it any different than actually being there? The images are there. The thoughts start to creep in...How is that purity?
What about t.v.? So that dating couple is living together...I'm not doing that, I never would! So why do I let it entertain me?
Let's just say, God has been sending me a message loud and clear. Purity is more than what you do with your body...its what you allow into your ear gates,eye gates, and most importantly, your spirit.
This week, when I was feeling really down. Some of the afore mentioned questions were really weighing on my heart, and I asked God, why? Why have I been feeling distant and disconnected...and then a scripture that I read the night before popped into my head. "Your sin separates you from God." (paraphrased) To which I said, "God, I'm not living in sin," And that is when I realized...I'm not in sin, but I allow sin in my life, through what I watch, listen to, read, obsess over etc.,
We have been called to a higher level of accountability. Things that are okay for other people may not be okay for me. I'm in a position where people are looking at me but if I'm living my life with a compromise here...and another little one there, what message are they receiving? Could I be a stumbling block to them?
I recently read something that said,"Where you invest your love, you invest your life." I think that for too long of a while now, I've been investing my love in the wrong places. I've been so focused on pop culture that I've not been able to focus on what God has been speaking in my life, and that's a dangerous place to be in. All I know is that I want to live a life of complete and total purity. I don't want anything to come between me and God, because when it does, I feel completely lost, alone, and out of control.
I pray that from here on, I'll make better choices in what I allow into my spirit and in what comes out of it.
God, forgive me for so long, letting sinful messages and images into my spirit. I want to be pure before you in everything I think, say, do, watch, and listen to. I give you my heart, I give you my soul. I live for you alone. Every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me.
<3tammy
No comments:
Post a Comment