Pas D'excuses

This year of 2014 has been one of transition and great change in my life, some of which I seemingly had no control over, and some of which I didn't really mean for...and its only halfway over. I felt as though I started with a clean slate. I was going to a new school, with a new major, and new possibilities that I was yet to discover. As I went through the semester, I began to form habits without really knowing it, habits that would lead to positive life change. In the hustle and bustle of college life, I wasn't able to reflect upon or realize my experiences and so now that summer has hit, everything is coming to me.
I think, just as a general rule, its easy for us, as humans, to get lost. To do and go without purpose or destination in mind. We then end up living mundane, mediocre, somewhat boring and apathetic lives. I found myself to be in this very place on MANY different occasions over the past three years of my life.I was experiencing some of the most incredible things I may ever experience, yet I didn't feel the thrill of it. For the most part, I became a prisoner of my own mind, analyzing everything, trying to figure today and everyday for the rest of forever, and unfortunately, I missed out on a lot of what I was going through, in the moment.
Thankfully, I serve a God who knows and loves me, even with my need to control and know what to do so I can write a plan and a list to do it, who allowed me to come to appreciate the journey He is taking me on.
I now see the big picture of what those things meant to me, and to my future life. I feel as though the dots connected and all the questions I had back then have been completely answered. I didn't want any of the things I now do, before,  and I wasn't the person to handle them before I went through those seasons of growth.
Long back story. Bear with me.
So getting back to those positive life changes. Recently(starting in February) I started on this fitness journey. At first, it was something I had to do for class credit, and then, when I found myself getting bored-or stressed- at night on the weekends, I'd go for a run. This practice of challenging my limits and seeing physical change started to reshape my thinking about life. I was taking negative energy and putting it to good use.
You see, I feel like a natural tendency that I've always had, is to get frustrated when things weren't going my way. I'd start out so excited about something, and then when I didn't see results or get an answer, I'd get frustrated with my situation, and henceforth, become discontent.
I know that this tendency may be something inborn, but I fight it every day. I've long struggled with weight and body image issues, and I've tried and failed countless times in trying to achieve the "perfect body." (no such thing, by the way)
Now, I view exercise and even life challenges completely different. Each time you are faced with a hurdle in life, you are faced with a choice: A. You become frustrated and simply walk away B. Face it head on and view it as an opportunity to push yourself beyond mental, physical, or spiritual limits.
I can guarantee you that you are stronger than you think, and even if you don't get it the first time, you, if you work at it diligently, will see the result you are striving for.
This post is not meant to be a "lets praise me" rant, nor is it meant to be some cheesy positive reinforcement. The point of what I'm really and honestly trying to say is that, we will all become frustrated at some point in our lives, but frustration should not lead to abandonment. Whatever the wall, a lukewarm spiritual life, twenty extra pounds, a difficult class in school, break it down through perseverance. Refuse to give up. No excuses.

23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23-24

You are my home.

Overlays and Other Beautiful Trifles

You may have noticed the photos in my past two posts and the fact that they're both double exposures... I admit, I'm obsessed. There is something so beautiful and telling of DE images. I feel as though I can portray a mood or tell a story simply by placing two photos together. I'm having so much fun with this technique so no, you haven't seen the last of them. I've also been messing around with the VSCO Cam App. The filters are unique and romantic- well at least to me- and they add dynamic and depth. I'll be posting a bunch more soon in a " just because" post, so be on the look out. 

Xoxo 

-Tamara 

Please hurry, Love.

My heart aches to know and be known by you.

The heart of a woman.

"Do you have anymore questions?" Here's one. Did you ever see the beauty that is my soul? Did you ever care to probe beneath that which hides the essence of who I am? Was I only there to pass the time or for some cheap thrill? Was the goal to get me to compromise my will? If such were the case, it looks as if I've won for you'll never have that which you sought. Though I may have lapsed in judgement, I did not compromise that which made me so desirable to you... My confidence, my strength, and maybe the appeal of innocence. I won't deny that I began to fall for this idea of who you've made yourself to be, but all along I knew that you just weren't right for me. Tangible goals are good to have but where is your hope for eternal things? What effort have you put into that which can't be seen? Beauty is fleeting, my darling, and good looks, they fade. So, years from now, when you're old and spent, what will you REALLY have left? I mean sure, you reached the mark for that which you set out, but what was it worth? I know, your time is now. Live fast, at least while you can, but remember this...The heart of a woman is a fragile thing and is not to be trifled with. You would know this if you were truly a man. A word of caution, you get what you give.

I am not angry, nor am I hurt, I just felt compelled to share these words. You taught me a valuable lesson, one I won't soon forget, but really it didn't hurt when you left. 

Oh sure, we can be friends but really, no need to pretend. The fact is, what matters to you bears no weight at all to me. I've overlooked the cautions of my friends but wondered when the illusion would end. Well that time has come and gone, my heart has come away unscarred. Thank The Lord I did not compromise my resolve. So again I ask, did you ever see the beauty that is my soul? If you had, there would not be this result. 

Though her body is the evidence, her heart is the essence; The place from whence her beauty flows.