It won't fill you

Is there something in you that has always, for some unknown reason, been in your heart? Something that you always wanted to do?Or be?
Innate desires. We all have them. Mine happen to be, "be" a disney channel leading lady and a figure skater. I  can't really explain why I have this burning passion to be these things but I always have and I feel like I always will.

Have you ever gone shopping and found one thing that stole your attention and you knew that if you didn't buy it you would never forget it and always regret not buying? Happens to me often..but what does this have to do with anything?
 Well, let's say life is a store and the merchandise is all of the opportunities of life. Ok, so you go into this store right? and you're looking for something to buy(do). Some things are too high priced(high risk) some things you have no interest in, somethings you've always looked at and wanted to buy(do). Now you have the choice... will you buy(do) the things that you always wanted, or walk away and later regret it?

This is where I am right now in life. I feel what with my high school graduation right around the corner, the store of life is just opening to me. I can do or be whatever I want to be....

So often kids my age think that graduating is the key to all of their dreams.In a way it is, but not without what economic brains like to call, opportunity costs.(Opportunity cost is the cost related to the next-best choice available to someone who has picked among several mutually exclusive choices) Basically the choosing between this or that. Choosing between the things that you've always wanted to do. For some reason, whether it be our human nature or not, we all have those things that we will always want and we won't rest until we have them.



but they won't fill you...the only thing that will is always readily available. The only opportunity cost would be to give up the sinful nature in which you live and turn toward a better way of life.

Lets go back to the store scenario. When you found that thing that you loved and wanted and then bought.... tell me that its not on the floor two weeks later or in the back of your closet, completely forgotten. Ninety percent of having something is the wanting of it. Usually the things we think that we want end up leaving us more empty or unsatisfied. And then we look to new things.

Why is it, that we look at celebrities lives and automatically think that that's what we should be. Rich, beautiful, and glamorous. For some reason we never see that they are some of the most messed up people...ever. Drug addicted, depressed, and empty.
Demi Lovato is one of my favorite teenage celebrities. She recently checked herself into rehab for cutting and eating disorders. She,who always looks so happy and content with her celebrity life, checked into rehab. Tell me then, that money and beauty and fame, satisfy a person.

They don't.

Nothing can and will fill us accept the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing will satisfy us, no relationship,thing,person,activity,career path,until we are first fully satisfied in the God. So why even look anywhere else? In this new year of 2011, I want to look solely to the Lord for my security,strength and satisfaction.

~simply tammy<3

thoughts.

If you makes compromise, it compromises you because you are never really happy with the end result.
~rose cummings

I can't try to live others lives for them according to what I or how I see things. I can live simply according to my own standards and holdfast to what I know is true.I can only learn from their exact opposite of them. I can only feel and be responsible for my own actions.
9.9.10

Never let anger-no matter how great it is-hinder your ability to love.
9.9.10

I use my disappointments to get closer to who I want to be. I see what has let me down and put it towards something constructive. I resolve from my disapointments that I won't waver in the decisions[choices] that I have made. Compromise is never a choice.Wavering is unnaceptable. No one can take me,or my goals, seriously if I at first don't.

more from me!

ello poppits!

Just wanted to letcha know that i have an additonal blog! While this blog is basically a compilation of thoughts and events in my life, mi nouveau blog is all things fashion! (Explicitly and strictly fashion:).. so click your little behind over to http://fortheloveoffashions.blogspot.com/ and get reading!!(and commenting!) love you all. more to come on both blogs!!

cheers♥

~simply tammy

Matthew Mashburn

Feeling all alone
I need my one

My someone to hold
I have one as I am told

Oh where are you my one
I know you need your someone

Lets find each other
Then we will look no further

Cause now we are in love
And flying like a dove

oh how perfectly and eloquently he puts this.

~simply tammy♥

Bucket list #61:sing karaoke

my definition of karaoke: a way of self exploitation in the form of "entertainment"in front of a very large group of people. When one "karaokes" they are risking low self esteem,possible embarrassment and a guaranteed mark on the histories of a bunch of middle aged technicians and their families.woowhoo.

It's no secret that I like to sing. A day doesn't go by~to my sister's annoyance~that I don't open my mouth and belt a few ballads. I guess its safe to say that I love to sing.

Yesterday,August 29,2010, I attended "Comcast company picnic" at Kennywood Park. Every year my father's employer hosts the event and provides refreshments and "entertainment" for the employees and their families and all of the festivities take place in a few large pavilions. The "entertainment" is mostly provided by a bunch of preteen girls who seem to aspire to be the next Hannah Montana or Demi Lovato. Their form of exposure...karaoke.I would have never allowed myself to karaoke but my family pressured me to..
...so alas! I went to the level of the young preteen girls and "karaokeid" and actually had alot of fun. I was nervous at first but I pushed through and was well received with the biggest round of applause the entire day. Henceforth number 61 of my bucket list is now completed!


the proof is in the pudding!
~simply tammy♥

misconstrued love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

)this,^ is probably my favorite explanation of what love is)

Many great and wise philosophers have tried to explain love. Some say it's an emotion, others argue that it's a choice, but doesn't it go deeper than that?
If one would survey the entire population of planet earth asking the question," what do you think a person looks for in life?", the answer would most likely be success(money) or LOVE.
Thousands(and I mean thousands) of recording artists have tried to describe love, (If you go onto playlist.com and search the word love, more than 17 thousand results come up) but I have never heard a song that perfectly describes what I think love to be. Maybe the reason that nothing has satisfied my preconceived ideas of what love is, is that everyone has a different idea. Yes, when any person is in love they get butterflies and they feel unstoppable but it goes deeper than that... In the second quote^, it says,"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away.." So.. the "butterfly" feeling isn't what describes LOVE rather than being in love.

I think often about what honest and true love is. Not giddy feelings. Not the desperate need for another person. So what? What is LOVE?!

The answer is there is no answer...at least that human intellect can grasp. I know that,"God is love" but do I know what that means?... not really. I know that God's love is absolutely unconditional. I know his love isn't understandable. But how much he loves actually is. He sent his own son. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He loved me so much that he gave his own son..just for me..for us.So, yes God IS love, but what then does it mean when a human loves or says, " I love you?"
I think it means a number of things.
1. there is an unexplainable emotional response to a person(such as: smiling when thinking of them or being unable to get them out of your mind)
2.there is an unexplainable instinct(that if need be) you would give of yourself(even to the death) for that person(just like Jesus)
3.there is no way you can imagine your life without that person by your side

You're probably saying to yourself,"psht, she's only sixteen what does she know of love?".. well I'd say that I personally don't know what my "true love" is but I know that I have it around me in many variations and stages. My sister,for example, just got married. The love between her and her wonderful husband is probably still in that butterfly,newlywed stage. The fact that it's "new love" doesn't invalidate it one bit. I believe that they are finding out together what love truly and honestly is.
A different love would be the love between my parents. They've been married almost 30 years now and have held on to eachother. I know it wasn't always easy for them and there were probably times that they wanted to give up.. but they didn't. They(i know) have "A love as strong as death" as Song of Solomon says. Their love is the deeply committed and undying love that alot of people in the world never find.

There are many kinds of love, and many explanations of what love is. I don't think that love will ever be perfectly put into words. I don't think that any recording artist will ever be able to write "the perfect love song."I have an idea of what is, but I'm young and will most likely change that idea many times as I age but for now, I'd say that love, love is unexplainable. Love is commitment. Love is sincere, and we all have our own definition at one point and time.Love means something different to all of us.

what is love to you?

~simply tammy♥

My Ruined Heart

It was pained. It was hopeless. It was helpless. Most of all it was aimless. It sought peace.It searched for a home.It was discontent. It was lonely,because of its experiences,it was scared.It was all these things but it was not unrepairable,NO!It is quite repairable.All it needed was compainionship, true comraderie. One came alongside it and realized exactly what it needed. It needed someone to embrace it. Someone to confide in,to heal,to love. Before this present hope, it was barricaded. It shut out any emotion. It didn't dare to hope. It didn't dare to dream. Always skeptical. Always doubtful. Always uncertain. But then this hope, this friend,came alongside it, offering hope, building trust, ensuring security. And little by little, the barricade began to weaken. It began to feel again. Like a bear in spring, it awakened from it's hibernation and began to look for nourishment.It began to hope and to dream. It began to see through new unburdened eyes. It opened up and so the healing took place. only because the Godsend called a friend opened himself up and shared his own difficulties did it come to know joy and fullness again. The past gouges became only faint scars. The ever present pain turned into joy. The ominous clouds of hoplessness turned to billowing clouds of hopefulness. And all because of this friend, did my heart, my ruined heart come to know fullness of life again.

~simply tammy~

Before I die I want to...

On mtv there is a show called "The Buried life".The show spotlights four young guys who made a list of 100 things they want to do before they leave the earth."For every item they complete on their list, they help a stranger achieve one of their dreams. Everywhere they go they ask the question: What do you want to do before you die?"This show was a real inspiration to me, it got me thinking.

One day as I watched the show I thought about what I want to do before I die.. I came up with a list of my own... but I didnt quite get to 100.

1.be on disney channel
2.go to/get through college
3.learn to figure skate
4.play the guitar
5.play the piano
6.piece a quilt
7.take voice lessons
8.dance on pointe
9.grow my hair to my butt[:)]
10.go to hillsong
11.take cooking classes
12.make a cake decorated in fondant
13.be on american idol
14.have my song played on the radio
15.go scuba diving
16.grow a rose bush
17.meet the jonas brothers/demi lovato
18.sing in front of 20,000 + people
19.die my hair blue
20.perform on a street corner
21.visit the ocean
22.fly on a plane
23.watch the Hawaiian sunset
24.meet cameron alexander
25.make $1 million
26.go to public school for a week
27.stay up all night*
28.visit england
29.be in a movie
30.blow $1000 @ the mall
31.have 4 kids
32.go to a "party venue" with paige[:)]
33.have my own fashion line
34.take a train
35.visit the big apple
36.live in the hamptons
37.fit into a size 4
38.get married in a forest
39.write a book
40.get my master's degree
41.tell someone off
42.be famous:P
43.fill an entire ipod
44.ride a horse on the shoreline
45.graduate 12th grade with straight a's:/
46.meet the man of my dreams
47.hava a date on the beach
48.eat a whole pizza
49.be on broadway
50.read 100 books in a year
51.give my diary to my daughter
52.meet Morgan Freeman
53.save my first kiss
54.make someone's dreams come true
55.ride the pitfall*
56.run a marathon
57.get a tattoo
58.get my nose pierced
59.read the whole bible
60.stay abstinent until marriage
61.sing karaoke*
62.keep my room clean for a month
63.be on the news
64.be in the newspaper
65.go on a game show
66.make a dress
67.eat a bug*
68.go speed dating
69.drive to the top of a mountain and watch the sun rise
70.watch an entire lunar eclipse
71.drive in a convertible
72.ride in a helicopter
73.go cliff diving*
74.eat a candle lit dinner with a hot guy(:])
75.be on a tv commercial
76.ride on a san francisco street car
77.ride in a taxi cab
78.sleep on the beach
79.travel out of the country*
80.go movie hopping
81.get a weave
82.go all night bowling
83.stand in the equator
84.chase a tornado
85.pretend to be homeless
86.go on a road trip
87.be on a billboard
88.go on the sky coaster
89.visit every continent
90.swim with dolphins
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
(*=completed)

Some of the things on my list may seem meaningless to you but for me there is a meaning behind each and every number. The activities aren't in any specific order, I just wrote them as they came to me. I don't know if all of those things will happen... probably not, but I won't stop dreaming. People who dream big, Live big. Who says I can't be on american Idol? Who says staying abstinent is impossible? It's my life and ima live it.
A few weeks ago my church choir sang in an old folks home. As I stood on the stage, I started to realize how short life really is. I wondered what these people's dreams were when they were young like me...were their dreams the big times? What did they want most out of life, and more importantly, did they achieve it? I know alot of older people regret not doing things they wanted when they were young. Maybe they pushed their dreams aside and said they would get to them later, but never did. As I stood there I realized that I don't want that to happen. I want to fulfill my dreams and live my life to the fullest. I don't want to be old and have regrets about what I should have done in the " old days".
I always think to myself, "today is over and I'm never going to get it back... what did I do today that brought me closer to my dreams?" Now think about that. It really started to give me a new perspective on things. Some days I idle around with nothing to do, somedays I am completely productive. Of course there must be a balance, but it really makes me not want to waste on more minute, one more day. I wrote a song that kind of put my feelings and thoughts into words...

Lovely life

there's only time enough to spend
on Life's achievements
a chance to dream the life you'll live
but you have to believe it
don't listen to the voices inside
the doubts and fears where hopes and dreams hide
You can make it, you will make it

your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it

the time will fly-times flying by
keep on achieving
A chance to be everything you've dreamed
So close you can feel it
Don't let yourself think less of you
Do everything you know to do
You can make it,you will make it

your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it

This is your life, this is your time
make the most of what you got
This is the life,this is the time
give it your best shot
by : tammy rose

This is all that we got. We have to make the best of it. There is no excuse for not following your dreams. Don't doubt yourself. You can achieve your goals, you can be whatever you want to be.This is your time.. Go for it.

What do YOU want to do before You die?

~simply tammy

helen keller?

So, over the course of my life, I have been through MANY tragic procedures, procedures including: pulled teeth,lazered fernectomies,lanced sties,constant eye infections, and puberty:P
by now im used to the tradgedy and drama from these things. This past week I learned that I have to go through another one of these crazy prcedures.

Last week I had Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, and Thursday off from school due to the abnormal snow levels. We(my family and I) were basically stuck in the house for a week, leaving us somewhat stir crazy.Well my sister Paige has glasses, or should I say HAD glasses, before she lost them, so my mom called down to the eye doctor in hopes of replacing her m.i.a glasses. The optometrist was overjoyed at the possibility of having another patient on his "slowest most boring day" in his entire career in optometry. To give the doctor something to do, my mom made me get out of bed so that I could fill a cancellation @ the doctor's office.SO RANDOM!!
It was just a typical snow-thursday as we(paige, Lauren and I) drove through the snow covered roads to the doctor, or so I thought. We got to the doctor in about 3 seconds(being that it's precisely 2 blocks from my house)and sat in the waiting room. The techy nurse called my name and everything was as normal as ever.As she performed the annual standard tests on me, I started to notice that the vision in my left eye was progressively worse since my last eye appointment. After she was finished testing my eyes, she led me to a room where I waited for a few moments for my doctor...and in came a very pretty and pleasant woman. She also tested my eyes according to normal procedures and the time began to drag...She started to explain that my vision in my left eye was pretty much shot but glasses wouldn't do anything. Sweet right? Well, she wanted the head hancho doctor to come and take a look, and I started to suspect that something(probably unsevere)was up.(I thought wrong) Again I waited for the Doc to grace me with his presence... and in he walked... He started to check me out(my eyes:) and he discovered....an anomalie??...

Ok enough with story telling, lets get down to business....So this "anomalie" is something called an "optic pit"... In my left eye I have three and whats happening is liquid,(such as blood)is getting into the pits and is making my retina(back part of the eye) lift off(kind of like a space staion)... eventually the retina will completely detach leaving me blind in my left eye.. freaky right? I think so and so did my doctor.. He has only ever seen three of these cases in his entire practice as a doctor. This leads me to the conclusion that I'm....SPECIAL!!..haha*chuckle* ok.. I guess not really but I like to think so.

This is probably one of the most (if not the most)insane things that has ever happened to me, and just think, if my mom hadn't called the doctor I would probably be blind in the near future.I can't give all the credit to my mom, God had alot to do with this and I'm seriously speechless when I think how awesome He is for letting us discover this! He perfectly orchestrated everything so that I could continue to see binocularly:) God is awesome, i knew it before, but i believe it now. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is a mistake.

so what now? I
am going to see a specialist and they will decide what to do next. I'll keep you posted but until then, this has been...

~simply tammy♥