Sunday, December 4, 2011
The hard thing
It would be easy to go back
It would be so easy to call, retract
But no matter what you feel or think
You've got to do the hard thing
It would be so easy to call, retract
But no matter what you feel or think
You've got to do the hard thing
Lost before beginning
Its never easy to say goodbye
Everyday, you can try and try
Try to again make it right
but you know, its a losing fight
Everyday, you can try and try
Try to again make it right
but you know, its a losing fight
The pain of moving on
Let go of all I
know
Let go of you
Let go of all the
years
But as I try to move on, I stand
in
an ocean of
my own
tears
know
Let go of you
Let go of all the
years
But as I try to move on, I stand
in
an ocean of
my own
tears
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
life.
Life is a constant competition.
If you are not competing against someone else,
you're competing against
yourself.
If you are not competing against yourself,
you're competing against
time.
If you are not competing against someone else,
you're competing against
yourself.
If you are not competing against yourself,
you're competing against
time.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
wanting to be wanted.
We all have those people and relationships in our lives that we have either thrived on or thrown away. We have those people who make everyday the best day of your life. Then there are those people who make you dread life.
Ladies, I know you all have that guy who has made you regret ever letting him in...or giving him your first kiss...letting him take you on your first date. That guy who we all pretend that we hate when we're all still hopelessly in love with. That relationship that we wish all of our might would work. The one that we know never will. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I know that you want exactly what I want, that man who makes you feel so cherished. That man who makes you feel beautiful on your worst of days. That man who whispers those sweet nothings into your ear and kisses you sweetly on the temple. Also, the man that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you can put your trust in that would never intentionally hurt you.
So I'm going to tell you something that may sound really crazy...I have three guys in our lives.
I feel like I've had the boy in my life that taught me alot. He showed me clearly what was wrong and what I didn't want in a man. He burned me and gave me scars and pain. He's also the one that I've had the hardest time getting over. There's just something about him but I know it will never work out because he didn't care as much about me as much as he cared about himself and the way he felt. He treated me as indispensable and I respect myself enough to say and know that I'm not. I'm worth someone's time, and since obviously it wasn't his, I'm not going to sit and wait for him to realize what he could have had. Even though it's been hard, I've moved on from that boy.
Then there's the boy who's the "possibility."He's the boy I've known all my life who I've always had chemistry with, He's the question mark in my life. I've gone back and forth mentally and after much deliberation and pondering, I've decided, he's not what I want. Yes, there are things about him that I like but not enough for me to actually like him or think about him in any other way than a friend. He just doens't meet up to the bar. He's very immature...just a boy really. Definitely underdeveloped brain... so I won't even let myself go there. We're better off the way we are now... but believe me, in my moments of weakness, I considered him. Kind of like, there was no one better so why not think of my friend? Crazy, I know.
Then there's the man in my life that I've dreamed up... so yes, he's not real....YET. He's the man who is just that, a man. He is the perfect gentleman. He knows when to speak and when I just want to think. He can feel what I'm feeling and respond accordingly. He looks to my needs instead of his own. He would never intentionally hurt or disrespect me. He treats me like the princess I am. He has a sense of self and he's confident but not cocky with who he is and doesn't feel the need to prove himself to anyone but his heavely father. This man will have a love for God that will shine through everything he does and because of that love, he'll be able to love me the right way for the right reason. He is my perfect match....and you know, I feel like I'm ready for him. I've had my run with those other guys. I feel like my heart is ripe and ready for a relationship with this wonderful man that I've fabricated. I'm like sick of waiting. I just want to be happily "in a relationship" Like really, is it that much to ask? All of my friends are. Kids, 3 and 4 years younger than me are dating and having their "one year anniversarys." I haven't even had my first date!! But when I see these people, I say to myself," Are they in the right relatonship or is it one that was convenient or available when they were lonely. And I ask myself, " Do I want that bad enough that I would compromise just to have it?"
Who's heart isn't ready for the perfect,opposite, compliment to them? Who doesn't want to feel cherished and loved?
I feel like I'm ready for "him" but I'm not the one who determines when my movie moment happens and I bump into "Mr. Perfect". And who knows, he may not be ready to bump into me, his "Mrs. Perfect." (and yes, I do believe God makes one perfect person for everyone He intends to be married)
So I know you're saying to yourself, "This girl is overly hormonal and lonely and insecure and she is like every stupid women you see in the movies who is desperate for male attention." But this is not so, my friend. I've said all this to say to all my lady friends that its OKAY to dream and think of what your future spouse will be like. Also, that its OKAY to ask and talk to God about why He hasn't nudged Mr. Right towards you. These moments are ones where we can pray for patience and peace and passion... all from God. Now, in my perpetually single state, is the time when I can grow close to my Jesus and fall in love with HIM then He( not me,because if it were up to me, I'd meet him tomorrow and be married by January{jk}) can decide when I'm ready to have the great responsibility and privilege to love one of His super fortunate princes. (#confidentnotcocky)
Use this time in your life when you're wondering about what "your man" will be like to pray for him. He is somewhere in the world having these same thoughts about you...Isn't that comforting?
Also, to my lovelies, build your standards, now, when there is no handsome boy coming around to beguile or distract you. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Make a list of what you will and will not do. What you expect and what you disdain so that when the time comes, you're prepared and you can say, "Is this what I want for myself?" "Am I selling myself short.?" It's important to have standards and I know from it experience that it will save you from heart break.
Lastly, just remember that God knows your heart. He knows and cares about how you feel. If you're feeling exceptionally lonely and you feel like you just need a hug, God gives the best, warmest hugs of anyone. He knows exactly what you need and He's right there to give it. If you're feeling impatient, remember that He knows the beginning from the end and in His timing, He will put you with who He made to be with. I ask that you don't compromise in the seasons of waiting. Trying to do anything your way over God's in life will always bring you up empty. Remember that there are millions of girls in the world who feel the same exact way.
"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret..."
simplytammy<3
Ladies, I know you all have that guy who has made you regret ever letting him in...or giving him your first kiss...letting him take you on your first date. That guy who we all pretend that we hate when we're all still hopelessly in love with. That relationship that we wish all of our might would work. The one that we know never will. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I know that you want exactly what I want, that man who makes you feel so cherished. That man who makes you feel beautiful on your worst of days. That man who whispers those sweet nothings into your ear and kisses you sweetly on the temple. Also, the man that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you can put your trust in that would never intentionally hurt you.
So I'm going to tell you something that may sound really crazy...I have three guys in our lives.
I feel like I've had the boy in my life that taught me alot. He showed me clearly what was wrong and what I didn't want in a man. He burned me and gave me scars and pain. He's also the one that I've had the hardest time getting over. There's just something about him but I know it will never work out because he didn't care as much about me as much as he cared about himself and the way he felt. He treated me as indispensable and I respect myself enough to say and know that I'm not. I'm worth someone's time, and since obviously it wasn't his, I'm not going to sit and wait for him to realize what he could have had. Even though it's been hard, I've moved on from that boy.
Then there's the boy who's the "possibility."He's the boy I've known all my life who I've always had chemistry with, He's the question mark in my life. I've gone back and forth mentally and after much deliberation and pondering, I've decided, he's not what I want. Yes, there are things about him that I like but not enough for me to actually like him or think about him in any other way than a friend. He just doens't meet up to the bar. He's very immature...just a boy really. Definitely underdeveloped brain... so I won't even let myself go there. We're better off the way we are now... but believe me, in my moments of weakness, I considered him. Kind of like, there was no one better so why not think of my friend? Crazy, I know.
Then there's the man in my life that I've dreamed up... so yes, he's not real....YET. He's the man who is just that, a man. He is the perfect gentleman. He knows when to speak and when I just want to think. He can feel what I'm feeling and respond accordingly. He looks to my needs instead of his own. He would never intentionally hurt or disrespect me. He treats me like the princess I am. He has a sense of self and he's confident but not cocky with who he is and doesn't feel the need to prove himself to anyone but his heavely father. This man will have a love for God that will shine through everything he does and because of that love, he'll be able to love me the right way for the right reason. He is my perfect match....and you know, I feel like I'm ready for him. I've had my run with those other guys. I feel like my heart is ripe and ready for a relationship with this wonderful man that I've fabricated. I'm like sick of waiting. I just want to be happily "in a relationship" Like really, is it that much to ask? All of my friends are. Kids, 3 and 4 years younger than me are dating and having their "one year anniversarys." I haven't even had my first date!! But when I see these people, I say to myself," Are they in the right relatonship or is it one that was convenient or available when they were lonely. And I ask myself, " Do I want that bad enough that I would compromise just to have it?"
Who's heart isn't ready for the perfect,opposite, compliment to them? Who doesn't want to feel cherished and loved?
I feel like I'm ready for "him" but I'm not the one who determines when my movie moment happens and I bump into "Mr. Perfect". And who knows, he may not be ready to bump into me, his "Mrs. Perfect." (and yes, I do believe God makes one perfect person for everyone He intends to be married)
So I know you're saying to yourself, "This girl is overly hormonal and lonely and insecure and she is like every stupid women you see in the movies who is desperate for male attention." But this is not so, my friend. I've said all this to say to all my lady friends that its OKAY to dream and think of what your future spouse will be like. Also, that its OKAY to ask and talk to God about why He hasn't nudged Mr. Right towards you. These moments are ones where we can pray for patience and peace and passion... all from God. Now, in my perpetually single state, is the time when I can grow close to my Jesus and fall in love with HIM then He( not me,because if it were up to me, I'd meet him tomorrow and be married by January{jk}) can decide when I'm ready to have the great responsibility and privilege to love one of His super fortunate princes. (#confidentnotcocky)
Use this time in your life when you're wondering about what "your man" will be like to pray for him. He is somewhere in the world having these same thoughts about you...Isn't that comforting?
Also, to my lovelies, build your standards, now, when there is no handsome boy coming around to beguile or distract you. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Make a list of what you will and will not do. What you expect and what you disdain so that when the time comes, you're prepared and you can say, "Is this what I want for myself?" "Am I selling myself short.?" It's important to have standards and I know from it experience that it will save you from heart break.
Lastly, just remember that God knows your heart. He knows and cares about how you feel. If you're feeling exceptionally lonely and you feel like you just need a hug, God gives the best, warmest hugs of anyone. He knows exactly what you need and He's right there to give it. If you're feeling impatient, remember that He knows the beginning from the end and in His timing, He will put you with who He made to be with. I ask that you don't compromise in the seasons of waiting. Trying to do anything your way over God's in life will always bring you up empty. Remember that there are millions of girls in the world who feel the same exact way.
"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret..."
simplytammy<3
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The day I lost my innocence
You know, my blog has been titled "Growing Up: Life As I Live It" and its been based on the progression of my life and expressing how and when I go through things but I actually remember the exact moment I grew up... the moment I realized the world wasn't beautiful fields and flowers. It was September 11,2001.
I was seven years old and in first grade. It was a regular day at school... I remember the exact place I was sitting when one of the high school students in my school came in and informed my teacher that something had happened. Right then and there, I perceived that something was very wrong. I didn't, for a second, think that it had to do with someone in or something pertaining to the school. I remember the mood of the room instantly turning to deep gloom and almost despair. It was then that the director of my school came in and told us that we'd be going home early because something awful had happened to our country. The student who informed us announced the awful tragedy had taken place...
Being seven years old, I really didn't know how to react. I didn't,couldn't, actually wrap my mind around the idea that the crashing of these planes devastated the lives of so many and our country. I didn't know what true evil was. I'd never known or experienced it...I was so naive in my mind. I had the mindset of a child.
Before we were sent home, we prayed together. I watched as many of the upperclassmen and teachers bombarded the heavenlies with pleas for safety and wisdom and comfort for the country and its leaders. I can see the seven year old version of me, standing there wide-eyed and shocked, not knowing what to think or feel.
We took two kids home so they could be with their family and were invited into there family room to watch the events unfold on their television screen. At that instant, when I saw what really happened, I witnessed complete panic, shock...fear of the people in New York City, I was no longer seven years old. It was at that exact moment that my eyes were opened to the evils of this world. It was then that I realized that the world wasn't safe and there were people so sick in their mind that they would commit such vulgar acts. I remember seeing the planes crash into the towers and the network replaying it over and over to the point where I couldn't watch anymore. I was too scared...confused.
That day, our country was forced to its knees. We were forced as individuals and as a united nation to look evil in the face. Our president had to decide how we would react to the despicable acts committed against our sovereign nation.
Today on the tenth anniversary of that fateful day, as I watch the memorials and I see the families of those who lost their loved ones, my heart breaks all over again. It breaks for what they lost but also for what I lost...It was as if my childhood was over. I could no longer go through my life as a child without cares or concerns. I was afraid of any man who looked like the nightmarish pictures I'd seen on the news that day... Fear was instilled into my heart and life. Awareness took place of innocence.Naivety was snatched away from me.
I'll always remember that day always. Where I was... How I felt....How my life and lives of so many others, were turned upside down, to never ever be the same.
I was seven years old and in first grade. It was a regular day at school... I remember the exact place I was sitting when one of the high school students in my school came in and informed my teacher that something had happened. Right then and there, I perceived that something was very wrong. I didn't, for a second, think that it had to do with someone in or something pertaining to the school. I remember the mood of the room instantly turning to deep gloom and almost despair. It was then that the director of my school came in and told us that we'd be going home early because something awful had happened to our country. The student who informed us announced the awful tragedy had taken place...
Being seven years old, I really didn't know how to react. I didn't,couldn't, actually wrap my mind around the idea that the crashing of these planes devastated the lives of so many and our country. I didn't know what true evil was. I'd never known or experienced it...I was so naive in my mind. I had the mindset of a child.
Before we were sent home, we prayed together. I watched as many of the upperclassmen and teachers bombarded the heavenlies with pleas for safety and wisdom and comfort for the country and its leaders. I can see the seven year old version of me, standing there wide-eyed and shocked, not knowing what to think or feel.
We took two kids home so they could be with their family and were invited into there family room to watch the events unfold on their television screen. At that instant, when I saw what really happened, I witnessed complete panic, shock...fear of the people in New York City, I was no longer seven years old. It was at that exact moment that my eyes were opened to the evils of this world. It was then that I realized that the world wasn't safe and there were people so sick in their mind that they would commit such vulgar acts. I remember seeing the planes crash into the towers and the network replaying it over and over to the point where I couldn't watch anymore. I was too scared...confused.
That day, our country was forced to its knees. We were forced as individuals and as a united nation to look evil in the face. Our president had to decide how we would react to the despicable acts committed against our sovereign nation.
Today on the tenth anniversary of that fateful day, as I watch the memorials and I see the families of those who lost their loved ones, my heart breaks all over again. It breaks for what they lost but also for what I lost...It was as if my childhood was over. I could no longer go through my life as a child without cares or concerns. I was afraid of any man who looked like the nightmarish pictures I'd seen on the news that day... Fear was instilled into my heart and life. Awareness took place of innocence.Naivety was snatched away from me.
I'll always remember that day always. Where I was... How I felt....How my life and lives of so many others, were turned upside down, to never ever be the same.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Bucket List#22: fly on a plane
Yet another one of my bucket list items is scratched off. I have flown on, not one, but three planes. And what an amzing experience it was! My first flight was from Pittsburgh to Chicago...a relatively short flight. It was really only a teaser for the 13 hour flight I'd be on to Seoul, South Korea. The flight to Korea was so so surreal because we were literally traveling back in time...We flew into daylight for 15 hours. It was only when I boarded my flight to Phnom Penh, that the sun set.
Flying for the first time was amazing. I didn't know how I'd like it, but I wasn't really nervous and in the end, I loved it. The aerial views were just amazing and the seats were pretty comfortable. Korean air kept me entertained with a great list of hit movies and snacks about every hour. I felt just about ready to explode when we landed. So airline food isn't the best but hey, I have one less thing to accomplish in my lifetime:]
Flying for the first time was amazing. I didn't know how I'd like it, but I wasn't really nervous and in the end, I loved it. The aerial views were just amazing and the seats were pretty comfortable. Korean air kept me entertained with a great list of hit movies and snacks about every hour. I felt just about ready to explode when we landed. So airline food isn't the best but hey, I have one less thing to accomplish in my lifetime:]
 |
| Pittsburgh International Airport |
 |
| Clouds-somewhere between Pittsburgh and Chicago |
 |
| Chicago coastline |
 |
| Chicago suburbs |
 |
| Land meets ice in Alaska |
 |
| Boarding pass counter at O'hare International Airport |
 |
| Flying over South Korea...this bridge was the only solid land between two islands |
 |
| Waiting for takeoff |
 |
| On our way to our final destination |
 |
| This.was.awesome. Lightning storm and the only light in the pitch-black sky |
 |
| I'm home!:] |
Monday, May 2, 2011
Myself is my responsibility
Growing up, you see alot of people go before you. Some make good choices, some.... not so much. At the same time each person has his own tenets and dogmas that he lives by. Recently, I've found myself so upset when looking at the lives of my friends. All I could see was their errors in judgement and it annoyed me. I would look at their lives and think to myself why they were wrong and what they should be doing instead. Then, whenever one of my friends came to me and he "was at his whit's end" all I could say to myself was, "how immature." Out of nowhere it occurred to me that I am not responsible for the mistakes that others make. I know most people already know that, but something inside of me cares too much. My mistake was the basis on which I was judging them. I believe certain things...I think certain things and if the actions and choices of others didn't match up with that, I had a problem. Naive of me, I know. Anyways, I've learned that while I believe my beliefs to be "right", not everyone does. The only thing I can base my observations on is the Word of God.
This is completely and totally out of the blue, but its a natural part of growing up... so Dear Friends, I'll no longer judge you or look down on you simply because of what I think, rather I'll live based on my convictions and beliefs and hoepfully(I'll try my hardest) I'll be an example of someone who lives righteously and according to God's word.
~simply tammy<3
This is completely and totally out of the blue, but its a natural part of growing up... so Dear Friends, I'll no longer judge you or look down on you simply because of what I think, rather I'll live based on my convictions and beliefs and hoepfully(I'll try my hardest) I'll be an example of someone who lives righteously and according to God's word.
~simply tammy<3
Monday, January 3, 2011
rEfLeCtIoNs[2o1o]
Reflecting on the past can only ever make the future better. This was not an easy year. It had many rough patches but I made it through in one piece:)
2010.
What a year. Looking back is almost surreal because it flew by faster than the speed of sound. I honestly have no clue where it went. Maybe the reason why I feel this way is beacuse I did so much to fill it. I finished eleventh grade and started twelfth!(woot woot) I danced straight through the summer. I got on pointe!(lifelong dream accomplished!) I matured while at the same time I let go of my inhibitions and learned to be a kid. I got close to a few wonderful girls but at the same time, I grew apart from my dearest and closest friend. I finally figured out that I don't know whats next and decided that that was okay. I became more realistic about life and peolpe and goals. I sang karaoke.
Obviously I did more than this^.. but does it really matter?... the most important thing I got from 2010 was a better understanding of myself. Time changes people and I know thats true because I am a completely different person than I was 365 days ago. I like who I'm becoming and that's one of the best lessons anyone can learn.
People often ask me what my plans are, post graduation. For probably about 75% of last year I worried and tossed and turned over that question because I honestly had no clue. And guess what...i still don't. The only difference now is I'm okay with it. I'm not as worried as I am much as curious. I'm not as scared as much as I am anxious. Yes, there are defnitely things i want to do with my life and I will.. eventually. 2011 for me, is about learning to let go. Not of responsibility -or sanity- rather of me. I,for so long, let myself get in the way of the things that God was doing or speaking into my life. Because I didn't see the big picture i couldn't trust.. this year I want to live recklessly and let god have His way. I want to live this year passionately and whole heartedly without a crutch of fear or stress,
A toast,so to speak, to easy, free living in 2011.
Now let's see where He takes me...
~simply tammy♥
2010.
What a year. Looking back is almost surreal because it flew by faster than the speed of sound. I honestly have no clue where it went. Maybe the reason why I feel this way is beacuse I did so much to fill it. I finished eleventh grade and started twelfth!(woot woot) I danced straight through the summer. I got on pointe!(lifelong dream accomplished!) I matured while at the same time I let go of my inhibitions and learned to be a kid. I got close to a few wonderful girls but at the same time, I grew apart from my dearest and closest friend. I finally figured out that I don't know whats next and decided that that was okay. I became more realistic about life and peolpe and goals. I sang karaoke.
Obviously I did more than this^.. but does it really matter?... the most important thing I got from 2010 was a better understanding of myself. Time changes people and I know thats true because I am a completely different person than I was 365 days ago. I like who I'm becoming and that's one of the best lessons anyone can learn.
People often ask me what my plans are, post graduation. For probably about 75% of last year I worried and tossed and turned over that question because I honestly had no clue. And guess what...i still don't. The only difference now is I'm okay with it. I'm not as worried as I am much as curious. I'm not as scared as much as I am anxious. Yes, there are defnitely things i want to do with my life and I will.. eventually. 2011 for me, is about learning to let go. Not of responsibility -or sanity- rather of me. I,for so long, let myself get in the way of the things that God was doing or speaking into my life. Because I didn't see the big picture i couldn't trust.. this year I want to live recklessly and let god have His way. I want to live this year passionately and whole heartedly without a crutch of fear or stress,
A toast,so to speak, to easy, free living in 2011.
Now let's see where He takes me...
~simply tammy♥
Friday, December 31, 2010
It won't fill you
Is there something in you that has always, for some unknown reason, been in your heart? Something that you always wanted to do?Or be?
Innate desires. We all have them. Mine happen to be, "be" a disney channel leading lady and a figure skater. I can't really explain why I have this burning passion to be these things but I always have and I feel like I always will.
Have you ever gone shopping and found one thing that stole your attention and you knew that if you didn't buy it you would never forget it and always regret not buying? Happens to me often..but what does this have to do with anything?
Well, let's say life is a store and the merchandise is all of the opportunities of life. Ok, so you go into this store right? and you're looking for something to buy(do). Some things are too high priced(high risk) some things you have no interest in, somethings you've always looked at and wanted to buy(do). Now you have the choice... will you buy(do) the things that you always wanted, or walk away and later regret it?
This is where I am right now in life. I feel what with my high school graduation right around the corner, the store of life is just opening to me. I can do or be whatever I want to be....
So often kids my age think that graduating is the key to all of their dreams.In a way it is, but not without what economic brains like to call, opportunity costs.(Opportunity cost is the cost related to the next-best choice available to someone who has picked among several mutually exclusive choices) Basically the choosing between this or that. Choosing between the things that you've always wanted to do. For some reason, whether it be our human nature or not, we all have those things that we will always want and we won't rest until we have them.
but they won't fill you...the only thing that will is always readily available. The only opportunity cost would be to give up the sinful nature in which you live and turn toward a better way of life.
Lets go back to the store scenario. When you found that thing that you loved and wanted and then bought.... tell me that its not on the floor two weeks later or in the back of your closet, completely forgotten. Ninety percent of having something is the wanting of it. Usually the things we think that we want end up leaving us more empty or unsatisfied. And then we look to new things.
Why is it, that we look at celebrities lives and automatically think that that's what we should be. Rich, beautiful, and glamorous. For some reason we never see that they are some of the most messed up people...ever. Drug addicted, depressed, and empty.
Demi Lovato is one of my favorite teenage celebrities. She recently checked herself into rehab for cutting and eating disorders. She,who always looks so happy and content with her celebrity life, checked into rehab. Tell me then, that money and beauty and fame, satisfy a person.
They don't.
Nothing can and will fill us accept the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing will satisfy us, no relationship,thing,person,activity,career path,until we are first fully satisfied in the God. So why even look anywhere else? In this new year of 2011, I want to look solely to the Lord for my security,strength and satisfaction.
~simply tammy<3
Innate desires. We all have them. Mine happen to be, "be" a disney channel leading lady and a figure skater. I can't really explain why I have this burning passion to be these things but I always have and I feel like I always will.
Have you ever gone shopping and found one thing that stole your attention and you knew that if you didn't buy it you would never forget it and always regret not buying? Happens to me often..but what does this have to do with anything?
Well, let's say life is a store and the merchandise is all of the opportunities of life. Ok, so you go into this store right? and you're looking for something to buy(do). Some things are too high priced(high risk) some things you have no interest in, somethings you've always looked at and wanted to buy(do). Now you have the choice... will you buy(do) the things that you always wanted, or walk away and later regret it?
This is where I am right now in life. I feel what with my high school graduation right around the corner, the store of life is just opening to me. I can do or be whatever I want to be....
So often kids my age think that graduating is the key to all of their dreams.In a way it is, but not without what economic brains like to call, opportunity costs.(Opportunity cost is the cost related to the next-best choice available to someone who has picked among several mutually exclusive choices) Basically the choosing between this or that. Choosing between the things that you've always wanted to do. For some reason, whether it be our human nature or not, we all have those things that we will always want and we won't rest until we have them.
but they won't fill you...the only thing that will is always readily available. The only opportunity cost would be to give up the sinful nature in which you live and turn toward a better way of life.
Lets go back to the store scenario. When you found that thing that you loved and wanted and then bought.... tell me that its not on the floor two weeks later or in the back of your closet, completely forgotten. Ninety percent of having something is the wanting of it. Usually the things we think that we want end up leaving us more empty or unsatisfied. And then we look to new things.
Why is it, that we look at celebrities lives and automatically think that that's what we should be. Rich, beautiful, and glamorous. For some reason we never see that they are some of the most messed up people...ever. Drug addicted, depressed, and empty.
Demi Lovato is one of my favorite teenage celebrities. She recently checked herself into rehab for cutting and eating disorders. She,who always looks so happy and content with her celebrity life, checked into rehab. Tell me then, that money and beauty and fame, satisfy a person.
They don't.
Nothing can and will fill us accept the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing will satisfy us, no relationship,thing,person,activity,career path,until we are first fully satisfied in the God. So why even look anywhere else? In this new year of 2011, I want to look solely to the Lord for my security,strength and satisfaction.
~simply tammy<3
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
thoughts.
If you makes compromise, it compromises you because you are never really happy with the end result.
~rose cummings
I can't try to live others lives for them according to what I or how I see things. I can live simply according to my own standards and holdfast to what I know is true.I can only learn from their exact opposite of them. I can only feel and be responsible for my own actions.
9.9.10
Never let anger-no matter how great it is-hinder your ability to love.
9.9.10
I use my disappointments to get closer to who I want to be. I see what has let me down and put it towards something constructive. I resolve from my disapointments that I won't waver in the decisions[choices] that I have made. Compromise is never a choice.Wavering is unnaceptable. No one can take me,or my goals, seriously if I at first don't.
~rose cummings
I can't try to live others lives for them according to what I or how I see things. I can live simply according to my own standards and holdfast to what I know is true.I can only learn from their exact opposite of them. I can only feel and be responsible for my own actions.
9.9.10
Never let anger-no matter how great it is-hinder your ability to love.
9.9.10
I use my disappointments to get closer to who I want to be. I see what has let me down and put it towards something constructive. I resolve from my disapointments that I won't waver in the decisions[choices] that I have made. Compromise is never a choice.Wavering is unnaceptable. No one can take me,or my goals, seriously if I at first don't.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
more from me!
ello poppits!
Just wanted to letcha know that i have an additonal blog! While this blog is basically a compilation of thoughts and events in my life, mi nouveau blog is all things fashion! (Explicitly and strictly fashion:).. so click your little behind over to http://fortheloveoffashions.blogspot.com/ and get reading!!(and commenting!) love you all. more to come on both blogs!!
cheers♥
~simply tammy
Just wanted to letcha know that i have an additonal blog! While this blog is basically a compilation of thoughts and events in my life, mi nouveau blog is all things fashion! (Explicitly and strictly fashion:).. so click your little behind over to http://fortheloveoffashions.blogspot.com/ and get reading!!(and commenting!) love you all. more to come on both blogs!!
cheers♥
~simply tammy
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Matthew Mashburn
Feeling all alone
I need my one
My someone to hold
I have one as I am told
Oh where are you my one
I know you need your someone
Lets find each other
Then we will look no further
Cause now we are in love
And flying like a dove
oh how perfectly and eloquently he puts this.
~simply tammy♥
I need my one
My someone to hold
I have one as I am told
Oh where are you my one
I know you need your someone
Lets find each other
Then we will look no further
Cause now we are in love
And flying like a dove
oh how perfectly and eloquently he puts this.
~simply tammy♥
Monday, August 30, 2010
Bucket list #61:sing karaoke
my definition of karaoke: a way of self exploitation in the form of "entertainment"in front of a very large group of people. When one "karaokes" they are risking low self esteem,possible embarrassment and a guaranteed mark on the histories of a bunch of middle aged technicians and their families.woowhoo.
It's no secret that I like to sing. A day doesn't go by~to my sister's annoyance~that I don't open my mouth and belt a few ballads. I guess its safe to say that I love to sing.
Yesterday,August 29,2010, I attended "Comcast company picnic" at Kennywood Park. Every year my father's employer hosts the event and provides refreshments and "entertainment" for the employees and their families and all of the festivities take place in a few large pavilions. The "entertainment" is mostly provided by a bunch of preteen girls who seem to aspire to be the next Hannah Montana or Demi Lovato. Their form of exposure...karaoke.I would have never allowed myself to karaoke but my family pressured me to..
...so alas! I went to the level of the young preteen girls and "karaokeid" and actually had alot of fun. I was nervous at first but I pushed through and was well received with the biggest round of applause the entire day. Henceforth number 61 of my bucket list is now completed!
the proof is in the pudding!
~simply tammy♥
It's no secret that I like to sing. A day doesn't go by~to my sister's annoyance~that I don't open my mouth and belt a few ballads. I guess its safe to say that I love to sing.
Yesterday,August 29,2010, I attended "Comcast company picnic" at Kennywood Park. Every year my father's employer hosts the event and provides refreshments and "entertainment" for the employees and their families and all of the festivities take place in a few large pavilions. The "entertainment" is mostly provided by a bunch of preteen girls who seem to aspire to be the next Hannah Montana or Demi Lovato. Their form of exposure...karaoke.I would have never allowed myself to karaoke but my family pressured me to..
...so alas! I went to the level of the young preteen girls and "karaokeid" and actually had alot of fun. I was nervous at first but I pushed through and was well received with the biggest round of applause the entire day. Henceforth number 61 of my bucket list is now completed!
the proof is in the pudding!
~simply tammy♥
Sunday, July 11, 2010
misconstrued love
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
)this,^ is probably my favorite explanation of what love is)
Many great and wise philosophers have tried to explain love. Some say it's an emotion, others argue that it's a choice, but doesn't it go deeper than that?
If one would survey the entire population of planet earth asking the question," what do you think a person looks for in life?", the answer would most likely be success(money) or LOVE.
Thousands(and I mean thousands) of recording artists have tried to describe love, (If you go onto playlist.com and search the word love, more than 17 thousand results come up) but I have never heard a song that perfectly describes what I think love to be. Maybe the reason that nothing has satisfied my preconceived ideas of what love is, is that everyone has a different idea. Yes, when any person is in love they get butterflies and they feel unstoppable but it goes deeper than that... In the second quote^, it says,"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away.." So.. the "butterfly" feeling isn't what describes LOVE rather than being in love.
I think often about what honest and true love is. Not giddy feelings. Not the desperate need for another person. So what? What is LOVE?!
The answer is there is no answer...at least that human intellect can grasp. I know that,"God is love" but do I know what that means?... not really. I know that God's love is absolutely unconditional. I know his love isn't understandable. But how much he loves actually is. He sent his own son. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He loved me so much that he gave his own son..just for me..for us.So, yes God IS love, but what then does it mean when a human loves or says, " I love you?"
I think it means a number of things.
1. there is an unexplainable emotional response to a person(such as: smiling when thinking of them or being unable to get them out of your mind)
2.there is an unexplainable instinct(that if need be) you would give of yourself(even to the death) for that person(just like Jesus)
3.there is no way you can imagine your life without that person by your side
You're probably saying to yourself,"psht, she's only sixteen what does she know of love?".. well I'd say that I personally don't know what my "true love" is but I know that I have it around me in many variations and stages. My sister,for example, just got married. The love between her and her wonderful husband is probably still in that butterfly,newlywed stage. The fact that it's "new love" doesn't invalidate it one bit. I believe that they are finding out together what love truly and honestly is.
A different love would be the love between my parents. They've been married almost 30 years now and have held on to eachother. I know it wasn't always easy for them and there were probably times that they wanted to give up.. but they didn't. They(i know) have "A love as strong as death" as Song of Solomon says. Their love is the deeply committed and undying love that alot of people in the world never find.
There are many kinds of love, and many explanations of what love is. I don't think that love will ever be perfectly put into words. I don't think that any recording artist will ever be able to write "the perfect love song."I have an idea of what is, but I'm young and will most likely change that idea many times as I age but for now, I'd say that love, love is unexplainable. Love is commitment. Love is sincere, and we all have our own definition at one point and time.Love means something different to all of us.
what is love to you?
~simply tammy♥
-St. Augustine
)this,^ is probably my favorite explanation of what love is)
Many great and wise philosophers have tried to explain love. Some say it's an emotion, others argue that it's a choice, but doesn't it go deeper than that?
If one would survey the entire population of planet earth asking the question," what do you think a person looks for in life?", the answer would most likely be success(money) or LOVE.
Thousands(and I mean thousands) of recording artists have tried to describe love, (If you go onto playlist.com and search the word love, more than 17 thousand results come up) but I have never heard a song that perfectly describes what I think love to be. Maybe the reason that nothing has satisfied my preconceived ideas of what love is, is that everyone has a different idea. Yes, when any person is in love they get butterflies and they feel unstoppable but it goes deeper than that... In the second quote^, it says,"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away.." So.. the "butterfly" feeling isn't what describes LOVE rather than being in love.
I think often about what honest and true love is. Not giddy feelings. Not the desperate need for another person. So what? What is LOVE?!
The answer is there is no answer...at least that human intellect can grasp. I know that,"God is love" but do I know what that means?... not really. I know that God's love is absolutely unconditional. I know his love isn't understandable. But how much he loves actually is. He sent his own son. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He loved me so much that he gave his own son..just for me..for us.So, yes God IS love, but what then does it mean when a human loves or says, " I love you?"
I think it means a number of things.
1. there is an unexplainable emotional response to a person(such as: smiling when thinking of them or being unable to get them out of your mind)
2.there is an unexplainable instinct(that if need be) you would give of yourself(even to the death) for that person(just like Jesus)
3.there is no way you can imagine your life without that person by your side
You're probably saying to yourself,"psht, she's only sixteen what does she know of love?".. well I'd say that I personally don't know what my "true love" is but I know that I have it around me in many variations and stages. My sister,for example, just got married. The love between her and her wonderful husband is probably still in that butterfly,newlywed stage. The fact that it's "new love" doesn't invalidate it one bit. I believe that they are finding out together what love truly and honestly is.
A different love would be the love between my parents. They've been married almost 30 years now and have held on to eachother. I know it wasn't always easy for them and there were probably times that they wanted to give up.. but they didn't. They(i know) have "A love as strong as death" as Song of Solomon says. Their love is the deeply committed and undying love that alot of people in the world never find.
There are many kinds of love, and many explanations of what love is. I don't think that love will ever be perfectly put into words. I don't think that any recording artist will ever be able to write "the perfect love song."I have an idea of what is, but I'm young and will most likely change that idea many times as I age but for now, I'd say that love, love is unexplainable. Love is commitment. Love is sincere, and we all have our own definition at one point and time.Love means something different to all of us.
what is love to you?
~simply tammy♥
Monday, May 3, 2010
My Ruined Heart
It was pained. It was hopeless. It was helpless. Most of all it was aimless. It sought peace.It searched for a home.It was discontent. It was lonely,because of its experiences,it was scared.It was all these things but it was not unrepairable,NO!It is quite repairable.All it needed was compainionship, true comraderie. One came alongside it and realized exactly what it needed. It needed someone to embrace it. Someone to confide in,to heal,to love. Before this present hope, it was barricaded. It shut out any emotion. It didn't dare to hope. It didn't dare to dream. Always skeptical. Always doubtful. Always uncertain. But then this hope, this friend,came alongside it, offering hope, building trust, ensuring security. And little by little, the barricade began to weaken. It began to feel again. Like a bear in spring, it awakened from it's hibernation and began to look for nourishment.It began to hope and to dream. It began to see through new unburdened eyes. It opened up and so the healing took place. only because the Godsend called a friend opened himself up and shared his own difficulties did it come to know joy and fullness again. The past gouges became only faint scars. The ever present pain turned into joy. The ominous clouds of hoplessness turned to billowing clouds of hopefulness. And all because of this friend, did my heart, my ruined heart come to know fullness of life again.
~simply tammy~
~simply tammy~
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Before I die I want to...
On mtv there is a show called "The Buried life".
The show spotlights four young guys who made a list of 100 things they want to do before they leave the earth."For every item they complete on their list, they help a stranger achieve one of their dreams. Everywhere they go they ask the question: What do you want to do before you die?"This show was a real inspiration to me, it got me thinking.
One day as I watched the show I thought about what I want to do before I die.. I came up with a list of my own... but I didnt quite get to 100.
1.be on disney channel
2.go to/get through college
3.learn to figure skate
4.play the guitar
5.play the piano
6.piece a quilt
7.take voice lessons
8.dance on pointe
9.grow my hair to my butt[:)]
10.go to hillsong
11.take cooking classes
12.make a cake decorated in fondant
13.be on american idol
14.have my song played on the radio
15.go scuba diving
16.grow a rose bush
17.meet the jonas brothers/demi lovato
18.sing in front of 20,000 + people
19.die my hair blue
20.perform on a street corner
21.visit the ocean
22.fly on a plane
23.watch the Hawaiian sunset
24.meet cameron alexander
25.make $1 million
26.go to public school for a week
27.stay up all night*
28.visit england
29.be in a movie
30.blow $1000 @ the mall
31.have 4 kids
32.go to a "party venue" with paige[:)]
33.have my own fashion line
34.take a train
35.visit the big apple
36.live in the hamptons
37.fit into a size 4
38.get married in a forest
39.write a book
40.get my master's degree
41.tell someone off
42.be famous:P
43.fill an entire ipod
44.ride a horse on the shoreline
45.graduate 12th grade with straight a's:/
46.meet the man of my dreams
47.hava a date on the beach
48.eat a whole pizza
49.be on broadway
50.read 100 books in a year
51.give my diary to my daughter
52.meet Morgan Freeman
53.save my first kiss
54.make someone's dreams come true
55.ride the pitfall*
56.run a marathon
57.get a tattoo
58.get my nose pierced
59.read the whole bible
60.stay abstinent until marriage
61.sing karaoke*
62.keep my room clean for a month
63.be on the news
64.be in the newspaper
65.go on a game show
66.make a dress
67.eat a bug*
68.go speed dating
69.drive to the top of a mountain and watch the sun rise
70.watch an entire lunar eclipse
71.drive in a convertible
72.ride in a helicopter
73.go cliff diving*
74.eat a candle lit dinner with a hot guy(:])
75.be on a tv commercial
76.ride on a san francisco street car
77.ride in a taxi cab
78.sleep on the beach
79.travel out of the country*
80.go movie hopping
81.get a weave
82.go all night bowling
83.stand in the equator
84.chase a tornado
85.pretend to be homeless
86.go on a road trip
87.be on a billboard
88.go on the sky coaster
89.visit every continent
90.swim with dolphins
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
(*=completed)
Some of the things on my list may seem meaningless to you but for me there is a meaning behind each and every number. The activities aren't in any specific order, I just wrote them as they came to me. I don't know if all of those things will happen... probably not, but I won't stop dreaming. People who dream big, Live big. Who says I can't be on american Idol? Who says staying abstinent is impossible? It's my life and ima live it.
A few weeks ago my church choir sang in an old folks home. As I stood on the stage, I started to realize how short life really is. I wondered what these people's dreams were when they were young like me...were their dreams the big times? What did they want most out of life, and more importantly, did they achieve it? I know alot of older people regret not doing things they wanted when they were young. Maybe they pushed their dreams aside and said they would get to them later, but never did. As I stood there I realized that I don't want that to happen. I want to fulfill my dreams and live my life to the fullest. I don't want to be old and have regrets about what I should have done in the " old days".
I always think to myself, "today is over and I'm never going to get it back... what did I do today that brought me closer to my dreams?" Now think about that. It really started to give me a new perspective on things. Some days I idle around with nothing to do, somedays I am completely productive. Of course there must be a balance, but it really makes me not want to waste on more minute, one more day. I wrote a song that kind of put my feelings and thoughts into words...
Lovely life
there's only time enough to spend
on Life's achievements
a chance to dream the life you'll live
but you have to believe it
don't listen to the voices inside
the doubts and fears where hopes and dreams hide
You can make it, you will make it
your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it
the time will fly-times flying by
keep on achieving
A chance to be everything you've dreamed
So close you can feel it
Don't let yourself think less of you
Do everything you know to do
You can make it,you will make it
your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it
This is your life, this is your time
make the most of what you got
This is the life,this is the time
give it your best shot
by : tammy rose
This is all that we got. We have to make the best of it. There is no excuse for not following your dreams. Don't doubt yourself. You can achieve your goals, you can be whatever you want to be.This is your time.. Go for it.
What do YOU want to do before You die?
~simply tammy
The show spotlights four young guys who made a list of 100 things they want to do before they leave the earth."For every item they complete on their list, they help a stranger achieve one of their dreams. Everywhere they go they ask the question: What do you want to do before you die?"This show was a real inspiration to me, it got me thinking.One day as I watched the show I thought about what I want to do before I die.. I came up with a list of my own... but I didnt quite get to 100.
1.be on disney channel
2.go to/get through college
3.learn to figure skate
4.play the guitar
5.play the piano
6.piece a quilt
7.take voice lessons
8.dance on pointe
9.grow my hair to my butt[:)]
10.go to hillsong
11.take cooking classes
12.make a cake decorated in fondant
13.be on american idol
14.have my song played on the radio
15.go scuba diving
16.grow a rose bush
17.meet the jonas brothers/demi lovato
18.sing in front of 20,000 + people
19.die my hair blue
20.perform on a street corner
21.visit the ocean
22.fly on a plane
23.watch the Hawaiian sunset
24.meet cameron alexander
25.make $1 million
26.go to public school for a week
27.stay up all night*
28.visit england
29.be in a movie
30.blow $1000 @ the mall
31.have 4 kids
32.go to a "party venue" with paige[:)]
33.have my own fashion line
34.take a train
35.visit the big apple
36.live in the hamptons
37.fit into a size 4
38.get married in a forest
39.write a book
40.get my master's degree
41.tell someone off
42.be famous:P
43.fill an entire ipod
44.ride a horse on the shoreline
45.graduate 12th grade with straight a's:/
46.meet the man of my dreams
47.hava a date on the beach
48.eat a whole pizza
49.be on broadway
50.read 100 books in a year
51.give my diary to my daughter
52.meet Morgan Freeman
53.save my first kiss
54.make someone's dreams come true
55.ride the pitfall*
56.run a marathon
57.get a tattoo
58.get my nose pierced
59.read the whole bible
60.stay abstinent until marriage
61.sing karaoke*
62.keep my room clean for a month
63.be on the news
64.be in the newspaper
65.go on a game show
66.make a dress
67.eat a bug*
68.go speed dating
69.drive to the top of a mountain and watch the sun rise
70.watch an entire lunar eclipse
71.drive in a convertible
72.ride in a helicopter
73.go cliff diving*
74.eat a candle lit dinner with a hot guy(:])
75.be on a tv commercial
76.ride on a san francisco street car
77.ride in a taxi cab
78.sleep on the beach
79.travel out of the country*
80.go movie hopping
81.get a weave
82.go all night bowling
83.stand in the equator
84.chase a tornado
85.pretend to be homeless
86.go on a road trip
87.be on a billboard
88.go on the sky coaster
89.visit every continent
90.swim with dolphins
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100.
(*=completed)
Some of the things on my list may seem meaningless to you but for me there is a meaning behind each and every number. The activities aren't in any specific order, I just wrote them as they came to me. I don't know if all of those things will happen... probably not, but I won't stop dreaming. People who dream big, Live big. Who says I can't be on american Idol? Who says staying abstinent is impossible? It's my life and ima live it.
A few weeks ago my church choir sang in an old folks home. As I stood on the stage, I started to realize how short life really is. I wondered what these people's dreams were when they were young like me...were their dreams the big times? What did they want most out of life, and more importantly, did they achieve it? I know alot of older people regret not doing things they wanted when they were young. Maybe they pushed their dreams aside and said they would get to them later, but never did. As I stood there I realized that I don't want that to happen. I want to fulfill my dreams and live my life to the fullest. I don't want to be old and have regrets about what I should have done in the " old days".
I always think to myself, "today is over and I'm never going to get it back... what did I do today that brought me closer to my dreams?" Now think about that. It really started to give me a new perspective on things. Some days I idle around with nothing to do, somedays I am completely productive. Of course there must be a balance, but it really makes me not want to waste on more minute, one more day. I wrote a song that kind of put my feelings and thoughts into words...
Lovely life
there's only time enough to spend
on Life's achievements
a chance to dream the life you'll live
but you have to believe it
don't listen to the voices inside
the doubts and fears where hopes and dreams hide
You can make it, you will make it
your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it
the time will fly-times flying by
keep on achieving
A chance to be everything you've dreamed
So close you can feel it
Don't let yourself think less of you
Do everything you know to do
You can make it,you will make it
your lovely life
don't take it for granted
don't waste your time
on things with no purpose
your lovely life
do something worth it
This is your life, this is your time
make the most of what you got
This is the life,this is the time
give it your best shot
by : tammy rose
This is all that we got. We have to make the best of it. There is no excuse for not following your dreams. Don't doubt yourself. You can achieve your goals, you can be whatever you want to be.This is your time.. Go for it.
What do YOU want to do before You die?
~simply tammy
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
helen keller?
So, over the course of my life, I have been through MANY tragic procedures, procedures including: pulled teeth,lazered fernectomies,lanced sties,constant eye infections, and puberty:P
by now im used to the tradgedy and drama from these things. This past week I learned that I have to go through another one of these crazy prcedures.
Last week I had Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, and Thursday off from school due to the abnormal snow levels.
We(my family and I) were basically stuck in the house for a week, leaving us somewhat stir crazy.Well my sister Paige has glasses, or should I say HAD glasses, before she lost them, so my mom called down to the eye doctor in hopes of replacing her m.i.a glasses. The optometrist was overjoyed at the possibility of having another patient on his "slowest most boring day" in his entire career in optometry. To give the doctor something to do, my mom made me get out of bed so that I could fill a cancellation @ the doctor's office.SO RANDOM!!
It was just a typical snow-thursday as we(paige, Lauren and I) drove through the snow covered roads to the doctor, or so I thought.
We got to the doctor in about 3 seconds(being that it's precisely 2 blocks from my house)and sat in the waiting room.
The techy nurse called my name and everything was as normal as ever.As she performed the annual standard tests on me, I started to notice that the vision in my left eye was progressively worse since my last eye appointment. After she was finished testing my eyes, she led me to a room where I waited for a few moments for my doctor...and in came a very pretty and pleasant woman. She also tested my eyes according to normal procedures and the time began to drag...She started to explain that my vision in my left eye was pretty much shot but glasses wouldn't do anything. Sweet right? Well, she wanted the head hancho doctor to come and take a look, and I started to suspect that something(probably unsevere)was up.(I thought wrong) Again I waited for the Doc to grace me with his presence... and in he walked... He started to check me out(my eyes:) and he discovered....an anomalie??...
Ok enough with story telling, lets get down to business....So this "anomalie" is something called an "optic pit"... In my left eye I have three and whats happening is liquid,(such as blood)is getting into the pits and is making my retina
(back part of the eye) lift off(kind of like a space staion)... eventually the retina will completely detach leaving me blind in my left eye.. freaky right? I think so and so did my doctor.. He has only ever seen three of these cases in his entire practice as a doctor. This leads me to the conclusion that I'm....SPECIAL!!..haha*chuckle* ok.. I guess not really but I like to think so.
This is probably one of the most (if not the most)insane things that has ever happened to me, and just think, if my mom hadn't called the doctor I would probably be blind in the near future.I can't give all the credit to my mom, God had alot to do with this and I'm seriously speechless when I think how awesome He is for letting us discover this! He perfectly orchestrated everything so that I could continue to see binocularly:) God is awesome, i knew it before, but i believe it now. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is a mistake.
so what now? I
am going to see a specialist and they will decide what to do next. I'll keep you posted but until then, this has been...
~simply tammy♥
by now im used to the tradgedy and drama from these things. This past week I learned that I have to go through another one of these crazy prcedures.
Last week I had Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, and Thursday off from school due to the abnormal snow levels.
We(my family and I) were basically stuck in the house for a week, leaving us somewhat stir crazy.Well my sister Paige has glasses, or should I say HAD glasses, before she lost them, so my mom called down to the eye doctor in hopes of replacing her m.i.a glasses. The optometrist was overjoyed at the possibility of having another patient on his "slowest most boring day" in his entire career in optometry. To give the doctor something to do, my mom made me get out of bed so that I could fill a cancellation @ the doctor's office.SO RANDOM!!It was just a typical snow-thursday as we(paige, Lauren and I) drove through the snow covered roads to the doctor, or so I thought.
We got to the doctor in about 3 seconds(being that it's precisely 2 blocks from my house)and sat in the waiting room.
The techy nurse called my name and everything was as normal as ever.As she performed the annual standard tests on me, I started to notice that the vision in my left eye was progressively worse since my last eye appointment. After she was finished testing my eyes, she led me to a room where I waited for a few moments for my doctor...and in came a very pretty and pleasant woman. She also tested my eyes according to normal procedures and the time began to drag...She started to explain that my vision in my left eye was pretty much shot but glasses wouldn't do anything. Sweet right? Well, she wanted the head hancho doctor to come and take a look, and I started to suspect that something(probably unsevere)was up.(I thought wrong) Again I waited for the Doc to grace me with his presence... and in he walked... He started to check me out(my eyes:) and he discovered....an anomalie??...Ok enough with story telling, lets get down to business....So this "anomalie" is something called an "optic pit"... In my left eye I have three and whats happening is liquid,(such as blood)is getting into the pits and is making my retina
(back part of the eye) lift off(kind of like a space staion)... eventually the retina will completely detach leaving me blind in my left eye.. freaky right? I think so and so did my doctor.. He has only ever seen three of these cases in his entire practice as a doctor. This leads me to the conclusion that I'm....SPECIAL!!..haha*chuckle* ok.. I guess not really but I like to think so. This is probably one of the most (if not the most)insane things that has ever happened to me, and just think, if my mom hadn't called the doctor I would probably be blind in the near future.I can't give all the credit to my mom, God had alot to do with this and I'm seriously speechless when I think how awesome He is for letting us discover this! He perfectly orchestrated everything so that I could continue to see binocularly:) God is awesome, i knew it before, but i believe it now. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is a mistake.
so what now? I
am going to see a specialist and they will decide what to do next. I'll keep you posted but until then, this has been...
~simply tammy♥
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
rEfLeCtIoNs[20o9]
Reflection is good for the soul... when we reflect, we learn to appreciate and treasure all of the good times and the bad. God has taught me so many interesting things in the past year, and while at the time it was challenging and didn't enjoy it, I was able to glean from it.The year 2009 has been one of many joys,challenges, adventures and blessings. It flew by faster than any other year of my life. I have grown and learned more than I ever have and I have experienced so many new and different things.
In the past year, I turned sixteen,finished the tenth grade and started into the eleventh. I made new friendships that will last forever. My longtime dream of dancing again, was fulfilled. I experienced the pain of heartbreak and the joys of family. I read 20+ novels and took my psat's. I was accepted into the Westinghouse science honors academy and toured a nuclear reactor. In 2009, I grew as a person, I changed and learned so much. It is really amazing how one year can change a person. Yet, in the midst of all of these accomplishments and goals, God was directing my steps toward his ultimate goal and purpose for my life. It truly amazes me...He truly amazes me. I'm the kind of person who stresses. If I don't know what I'm doing every second of the day I practically have a breakdown. It's scary for me not to know what I'm going to do in when I graduate. I guess one could say that I find it hard to trust in the unknown. It's a flawed trait but it's one that I definitely possess. In this new year of 2010, my resolution would be to learn to trust in God more than I ever have. I will be making alot of big decisions and I will be needing some help. I think we humans get the whole " I know best attitude,"when in actuality we are scared to death of ourselves, and we know that we do not know best![we dont know at all.]I resolve to get closer to God and my family in the next family, and I resolve to grow and grow up as a person. 2010 is a year of reconciliation,healing and blessing. I intend to soak it ALL up.=]
I see it only fitting to thank all of the people who have influenced me this year:
Mom and Dad, Bishop and Pastor Susan Beninate, Miss Karen Knapp, Miss Kim Rausch, Jaime Lyn Carter(soon to be dray!),Tyler Carter,Paige Carter, Angela Nunez, Rosalyn Werner,Pastor Art Speck and all of the u.r.y.c counselors, Kenny okoye,Cameron Alexander, Greg Hayhurst,Ryan Ruth and all of my mansfield conservatory besties:].....I'm sure that there are many more, and I only hoped that I, in a positive way, have influeunced or encouraged someone this year. Thanks to all of you for being there and for being constants.My final thankyou goes to my creator and Lord. Thankyou for everything you have taught me and will teach me. Thnakyou for being my past my present and my future. Thankyou for guidance and comfort in those times of insecurity and questioning. Thankyou for all of the blessings that you have so graciously bestowed on me and thankyou for never letting go<3
It's been a great year and I only hope that that year will be better! It's exciting and scary but I'm ready to take it on because I know that You will be there! "It's a new dawn, It's a new day and I'm feeling good!"
simply tammy
In the past year, I turned sixteen,finished the tenth grade and started into the eleventh. I made new friendships that will last forever. My longtime dream of dancing again, was fulfilled. I experienced the pain of heartbreak and the joys of family. I read 20+ novels and took my psat's. I was accepted into the Westinghouse science honors academy and toured a nuclear reactor. In 2009, I grew as a person, I changed and learned so much. It is really amazing how one year can change a person. Yet, in the midst of all of these accomplishments and goals, God was directing my steps toward his ultimate goal and purpose for my life. It truly amazes me...He truly amazes me. I'm the kind of person who stresses. If I don't know what I'm doing every second of the day I practically have a breakdown. It's scary for me not to know what I'm going to do in when I graduate. I guess one could say that I find it hard to trust in the unknown. It's a flawed trait but it's one that I definitely possess. In this new year of 2010, my resolution would be to learn to trust in God more than I ever have. I will be making alot of big decisions and I will be needing some help. I think we humans get the whole " I know best attitude,"when in actuality we are scared to death of ourselves, and we know that we do not know best![we dont know at all.]I resolve to get closer to God and my family in the next family, and I resolve to grow and grow up as a person. 2010 is a year of reconciliation,healing and blessing. I intend to soak it ALL up.=]
I see it only fitting to thank all of the people who have influenced me this year:
Mom and Dad, Bishop and Pastor Susan Beninate, Miss Karen Knapp, Miss Kim Rausch, Jaime Lyn Carter(soon to be dray!),Tyler Carter,Paige Carter, Angela Nunez, Rosalyn Werner,Pastor Art Speck and all of the u.r.y.c counselors, Kenny okoye,Cameron Alexander, Greg Hayhurst,Ryan Ruth and all of my mansfield conservatory besties:].....I'm sure that there are many more, and I only hoped that I, in a positive way, have influeunced or encouraged someone this year. Thanks to all of you for being there and for being constants.My final thankyou goes to my creator and Lord. Thankyou for everything you have taught me and will teach me. Thnakyou for being my past my present and my future. Thankyou for guidance and comfort in those times of insecurity and questioning. Thankyou for all of the blessings that you have so graciously bestowed on me and thankyou for never letting go<3
It's been a great year and I only hope that that year will be better! It's exciting and scary but I'm ready to take it on because I know that You will be there! "It's a new dawn, It's a new day and I'm feeling good!"
simply tammy
Friday, December 11, 2009
Last Goodbye♥
This time I'm not looking back
I won't let you distract from my happiness
You've haunted me for so long
Those memories that linger on and on and on
Now they are gone
I wont hold onto you any longer
My time with you has made me stronger
and I've moved on and Ive let go
You and me are over
I't's time I let you know
That this time I've said my last goodbye
I won't let my self think back to the times we shared
I've realized that you, you never cared
I loved you for so long
Your love, you feigned, it led me on and on
We were so wrong
My first love, I never will forget
In you I trusted my heart and then you left
You failed to be the remedy for my needs
You proved to be nothing to me
this is my last goodbye.........
lyrics: tammy rose♥
(written in 1st period history class:)
I won't let you distract from my happiness
You've haunted me for so long
Those memories that linger on and on and on
Now they are gone
I wont hold onto you any longer
My time with you has made me stronger
and I've moved on and Ive let go
You and me are over
I't's time I let you know
That this time I've said my last goodbye
I won't let my self think back to the times we shared
I've realized that you, you never cared
I loved you for so long
Your love, you feigned, it led me on and on
We were so wrong
My first love, I never will forget
In you I trusted my heart and then you left
You failed to be the remedy for my needs
You proved to be nothing to me
this is my last goodbye.........
lyrics: tammy rose♥
(written in 1st period history class:)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
embrace the pain
When others stab you in the back-
When you are left a hopeless wreck-
When there is no hope to be see-
What can you do but-
Embrace the pain
When all of life's problems come crashing down-
When there is no joy to be found-
When you want to throw in the towel-
What else can you do but-
Embrace the pain
When your life is a hopless mess-
When you get down and depressed-
Your at your end, you must confess-
What more to do than-
Embrace the pain
Realize now, it's not your strength-
You fight,you try, but still no way-
You live your life from day to day-
But don't give up -
Embrace the pain
We all go through times in our life when we are hopeless and dejected. It's a season of life. We see no hope... no reason to go on.Some people are always in a constant state of depression. Others purpose to see the good in everything. Depression is a choice, and circumstances are neutral and we decide the outcome. Don't be a victim of your surroundings,choose to come out on top. When things come at you,embrace the opportunity to do something. Be an overcomer.Life shouldn't just happen while we watch because we are too consumed in the way we feel. Football players have a saying that goes,"Pain is just weakness leaving the body." How true is that?!When we go through something tough, we are strengthened.We are being tested and tried so that we may be built up. We are to learn from the experiences, not dread and regret them. Remember that you aren't the only one who has been hurt. You aren't the only person who has lost something that they loved. Every single person has a story,you aren't they only one. Reaching out to others heals. I don't know what it is, but it's true. If we would take the time to forget about ME, we would see a world full of hurt just waiting to be healed. When you think you can't anymore, embrace the chance to move forward."Just do it"
♥Realize now, it's not your strength
You fight,you try, but still no way
You live your life from day to day
But don't give up
Embrace the pain♥
~simply tammy♥
When you are left a hopeless wreck-
When there is no hope to be see-
What can you do but-
Embrace the pain
When all of life's problems come crashing down-
When there is no joy to be found-
When you want to throw in the towel-
What else can you do but-
Embrace the pain
When your life is a hopless mess-
When you get down and depressed-
Your at your end, you must confess-
What more to do than-
Embrace the pain
Realize now, it's not your strength-
You fight,you try, but still no way-
You live your life from day to day-
But don't give up -
Embrace the pain
We all go through times in our life when we are hopeless and dejected. It's a season of life. We see no hope... no reason to go on.Some people are always in a constant state of depression. Others purpose to see the good in everything. Depression is a choice, and circumstances are neutral and we decide the outcome. Don't be a victim of your surroundings,choose to come out on top. When things come at you,embrace the opportunity to do something. Be an overcomer.Life shouldn't just happen while we watch because we are too consumed in the way we feel. Football players have a saying that goes,"Pain is just weakness leaving the body." How true is that?!When we go through something tough, we are strengthened.We are being tested and tried so that we may be built up. We are to learn from the experiences, not dread and regret them. Remember that you aren't the only one who has been hurt. You aren't the only person who has lost something that they loved. Every single person has a story,you aren't they only one. Reaching out to others heals. I don't know what it is, but it's true. If we would take the time to forget about ME, we would see a world full of hurt just waiting to be healed. When you think you can't anymore, embrace the chance to move forward."Just do it"
♥Realize now, it's not your strength
You fight,you try, but still no way
You live your life from day to day
But don't give up
Embrace the pain♥
~simply tammy♥
Thursday, September 3, 2009
written by a girl to every guy
Im not very experienced in guy/girl relationships, but i'm not stupid. I have come to realize many things in the past,oh, five years or so of my life. I decided to write this after I read something similar entitled"written by a guy" It could be eye opening for many, or old news. Do with this as you will:)
To every guy:
we girls care if you talk to other girls
we do care if you are friends with other girls
and if a girl walks in and you introduce us, we want you to make it clear that we are your girlfriend.It doesnt help when she starts going off about "that time" when you "had so much fun" and says "we should hang out sometime"
we do care if other girls call and text you! especially at two in the morning.
when we tell you that you are cute, we mean ur hot! but when we do we want you to say
something sweet back like: your beautiful(and we want you to mean it)
the sexiest thing about a guy is honesty and transparency(and good cologne!)
we like when you make us laugh(if a girl laughs alot around you it usually means she likes you!)
we love when u hold the door open for us, especially when we have to walk under your arm(just don't forget deodorant!)
we do like you pay for us, it shows us you care and you want to do something for "your girl"
we like when you call us your girl (not your woman) and we hate when you call us sexy!
we love when you kiss us on the cheek or forehead. We dont always want to kiss on the lips(we see it as special)
we love to cuddle:) you can never give us to many hugs!
When we go out, we want you to dress up. show us u care by lookin' ur best!
take everything we say seriously! we wouldn't have said if we didn't mean it!
dont argue with us, we will win!
we hate when brush us off because your "busy"!girls love when all her man candy can do is talk to her.
When you tell other people stuff about us, we always find out! especially when it's our best friend!
we love your clothes.. we feel like your arms are around us when we wear your hoodie!
Don't yell at us.
dont talk, no scratch that, dont look at other girls when you're with us.
Hard core christian guys are hot:)
questions for every guy:
why isnt one girl good enough for you?
why do you tell every girl you know you like her?
why is cheating an option?
guys, when girls are in a relationship, they want someone who is honest and true to only her. We aren't interested with sharing you with anyone else. We invest alot in you and you should do the same for us. we deserve to be treated with respect and honor. Respect us and respect our morals and standards. There is nothing that says you have to like 10 other girls when you are with us. SO DONT! When you leave us we feel betrayed and hurt.. just remember that every time you tell a girl you love her, she believes it. so if you dont mean it, dont say it.we see relationships like fairy tales. don't dash our dreams. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess...and every girl dreams of the guy who will be her prince. We love to goof off with you.. STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS US! Be yourself be real and be fun!.. thats what we truly want! You can never say or do to many nice things for us. Every girl on this planet is a hopeless romantic, hoping to romanced.♥
~simply tammy♥
To every guy:
we girls care if you talk to other girls
we do care if you are friends with other girls
and if a girl walks in and you introduce us, we want you to make it clear that we are your girlfriend.It doesnt help when she starts going off about "that time" when you "had so much fun" and says "we should hang out sometime"
we do care if other girls call and text you! especially at two in the morning.
when we tell you that you are cute, we mean ur hot! but when we do we want you to say
something sweet back like: your beautiful(and we want you to mean it)
the sexiest thing about a guy is honesty and transparency(and good cologne!)
we like when you make us laugh(if a girl laughs alot around you it usually means she likes you!)
we love when u hold the door open for us, especially when we have to walk under your arm(just don't forget deodorant!)
we do like you pay for us, it shows us you care and you want to do something for "your girl"
we like when you call us your girl (not your woman) and we hate when you call us sexy!
we love when you kiss us on the cheek or forehead. We dont always want to kiss on the lips(we see it as special)
we love to cuddle:) you can never give us to many hugs!
When we go out, we want you to dress up. show us u care by lookin' ur best!
take everything we say seriously! we wouldn't have said if we didn't mean it!
dont argue with us, we will win!
we hate when brush us off because your "busy"!girls love when all her man candy can do is talk to her.
When you tell other people stuff about us, we always find out! especially when it's our best friend!
we love your clothes.. we feel like your arms are around us when we wear your hoodie!
Don't yell at us.
dont talk, no scratch that, dont look at other girls when you're with us.
Hard core christian guys are hot:)
questions for every guy:
why isnt one girl good enough for you?
why do you tell every girl you know you like her?
why is cheating an option?
guys, when girls are in a relationship, they want someone who is honest and true to only her. We aren't interested with sharing you with anyone else. We invest alot in you and you should do the same for us. we deserve to be treated with respect and honor. Respect us and respect our morals and standards. There is nothing that says you have to like 10 other girls when you are with us. SO DONT! When you leave us we feel betrayed and hurt.. just remember that every time you tell a girl you love her, she believes it. so if you dont mean it, dont say it.we see relationships like fairy tales. don't dash our dreams. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess...and every girl dreams of the guy who will be her prince. We love to goof off with you.. STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS US! Be yourself be real and be fun!.. thats what we truly want! You can never say or do to many nice things for us. Every girl on this planet is a hopeless romantic, hoping to romanced.♥
~simply tammy♥
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